Self-Love vs Unhealthy Ego

Updated: Oct 21, 2019


Sculpture by Paige Bradley « Expansion »

Before Life coaching became my calling and my expertise, I was a professional actress and artist coach.

I was trained to pretend, to play different roles and to be as authentic as possible.

In the Entertainment industry, image is everything.

I’m an empathic and I have this “gift” to feel what others people feel. If you add the fact that I’m an idealist and I wanted to save the world and make it a better place; you can understand that I was carrying a lot of pressure on my shoulders and wearing a lot of masks on my face.


I must admit, I fell down to almost all the traps of making myself believe that I was fine.

Convinced I could do anything and be everything for … OTHERS.

I became so detached from myself that I didn’t really know what I was really feeling anymore.

I was a chameleon, a people pleaser and a great pretender and I thought it was a good thing.


It took me years of feeling lost, a depression, a broken heart (many times) and burn out to make me realize that the only person I didn’t give unconditional love to, was me.

Lately, life showed me how much I'm committed when it comes to loving or "trying to save" someone but how untrained & uncommitted I am toward my own success and happiness.

I had the tendency to drain myself for project or for love ones.

Coaching helped me to discover myself all over again and taught me to fill my cup first and only give from the overflow.

My coach Paula M. shared a quote with me that resonate instantly: “when purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable” Dr. Myles Munroe.

That quote changed my perspective on how I see myself.



Self-Love


"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Krishnamurti


I found that self-love is a not a destination; it’s a practice.

Self-love is the foundation on which we build a happy life. Without self-love, we have nowhere to put the love or abundance that comes to us.

Self love is taking care of our mind, body and soul. In that new practice I found that learning to honor my soul, my highest self helps me to awaken to my full potential, heal my soul sickness, and reframes my reality.


« For the waves is the ocean and the ocean is the wave. We are all souls, waves of the ocean of spirit and we must not forget it. » Paramahansa Yogananda


Self-love (or healthy ego) is…


Healthy ego allows us to genuinely appreciate our strengths, accept our imperfections, and love ourselves unconditionally.

  • Telling what is true for us, not swallowing words that express what we truly feel, think, or want to do.

  • Giving our body the nurturing, rest, exercise, and comfort it needs to the best of our ability.

  • Wearing clothes that make us feel good and fit our personality instead of wearing clothes that are in fashion that we use to impress others.

  • Not waiting for others to do the “loving us”, but love yourself, spend quality time with yourself, date yourself, marry yourself first.

  • Accepting yourselves with the good, the bad, the ugly, the sexy, and the weird.

  • Making time to do whatever we love, just to play, without worrying about wasting time.

  • Walk the walk! Owning our inner and outer beauty and complimenting ourselves without feeling guilty, arrogant or entitled.

  • Not rehashing our past mistakes and dragging ourselves to a dark place when we know that we can only learn from the past; we can’t change it.

  • Spending some quality, connected time with yourselves instead of always watching TV or wasting time on the Internet.

  • Using discretion when sharing our heart, self, and dreams with others.

  • Trusting the path that our soul is on and making a genuine effort to become a conscious co-creator of our destiny.

  • Following what your gut says instead of living out of our brain and ego.

  • Staying in our integrity, both when it comes to yourselves and when interacting with others out in the world. This includes keeping ourselves in check regarding patterns such as lying, manipulating, co-depending, withholding, and pretending.

  • Allowing yourselves to dream Big, without contaminating these dreams with judgments, our perceived limitations, or a lack of sense of deserving.

  • Taking responsibility for all of our experiences.

  • Learning to set boundaries that protect and nurture our relationships, with yourselves and others.

  • Allowing yourselves to make mistakes and not berating ourselves for making them. Instead, choosing to appreciate our desire to learn and grow.

  • Refusing to seek permission or approval to be yourselves.


Unhealthy ego


An unhealthy ego is like a shield, protecting us from the outside world, but also preventing us from loving ourselves and our lives.

An unhealthy ego will tell you to stick to what’s comfortable, to avoid uncertainty, and to have unrealistic expectations of yourself and others. Unhealthy ego is rooted in fear, anxiety, limiting beliefs, and toxic thinking patterns.


Unhealthy ego is….


  • Making the needs and wants of others a priority in our lives by devaluing ourselves

  • Using anger to control other people

  • Using substances to comfort, avoid, numb, escape or distract from uncomfortable feelings

  • Being reactive, dramatic, defensive or easily triggered

  • Worrying about what people think

  • Seeking instant satisfaction

  • Repeating problematic behaviors that cause suffering

  • Fighting reality or wishing it away

  • Refusing to face fear and challenges

  • Believing that happiness only occurs when there’s no emotional pain or fear

  • Often feeling overwhelmed by emotions

  • Expecting perfection

  • Personalizing what others say and do

  • Using blame, avoidance, criticism or denial to deal with difficult situations

  • Feeling a sense of entitlement or grandiosity

  • Requiring a lot of emotional validation and feeling angry, anxious or depressed if it’s not available

  • Is unable to demonstrate compassion or understanding towards people who hold different opinions or beliefs

  • Feeling a sense of competition with others

  • Feeling jealous or judgmental of other people’s success

  • Avoiding making apologies and taking responsibility

  • Needing to be right and feel superior

  • Is chameleon-like; changing to fit in or fulfill a role


A HEALTHY EGO IS BUILT ON CORE BELIEFS THAT ARE BASED IN LOVE. A UNHEALTHY EGO IS BUILT ON CORE BELIEFS THAT ARE BASED IN FEAR.



Self Application:



Fill up your cup first and only give from the overflow


We often leave the “loving us” to others (partners, mother, father, friends, dogs,…) and we blame them if they don’t do it right.

It’s actually your job to learn how to love you; you are the only “thing” you are sure to keep for the rest of your life.

Loving you is learning what is good to you, what empowers you, what brings you peace and joy. It’s respecting your boundaries and showing others how to love you right.

LOVE, that’s what life is all about. Fill your cup first and only give from your overflow.


  • Set boundaries, know my limits

  • Recognize the red flags

  • Ask myself: what do I really want?

  • Learn to say no as a full sentence :-)

  • Be conscious of my self-talks, be conscious of what I eat & drink (what I put in my body)

  • Take care of my body. Do blood test and check up once a year

  • Stretch and exercice your body daily

  • Know what vitamins my body needs and what could make me healthier

  • Don’t wait to be sick or have weird symptom to listen to my body

  • Recharge by walking in the nature (barefoot) , hug trees, breath deep fresh air

  • Meditate & feed my Soul everyday

  • Learn to connect with higher self, learn to stay in silent, present, listening to your breathing

  • Affirmation in front of a mirror:



« I see you, your true essence. I see who you really are. I respect you, I salute you, I love you, I honor you, I recognize you. »


« I am more Divine than Human »

  • My gut feeling is my new best friend.

  • Isolate myself ones in a while with no phone, no internet …

  • Recharge & meditate before and after every client.




Coaching Applications:


Before connecting to the world (duties,Wi Fi, distractions,...), devote an hour when you wake up to connect with God, your Soul, your heart, your body and your mind.


Ask yourself:

  • Do my choices incorporate harmony, sharing, cooperation and reverence for life?

  • Do my choices include intentions that honor my body, my relationships, my world, and most importantly, my own soul?

  • Are the choices I am making every day creating authentic power for me (which comes from within when my soul and personality are aligned), or are my choices placing my power outside of myself, causing me to look to other people, places and things for power, approval, purpose and direction?


Reflections:















The journey of our soul and self-love really is the journey of a lifetime, and it’s a journey we get to take whether we are aware or not. If you are alive you are on the journey.

With this in mind, may your journey be a conscious one where the intentions of your soul intersect with the intentions of your human nature on a daily basis, bringing both into alignment every moment of your life.


Much Love.


Christy Evenepoel

#Lifecoach #StageExpert #ArtistCoach #Speaker


www.christyevenepoel.com




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